Perspectives Erica Hahn
by Emer Torres-Hahn
Summary: This is a story about Callie and Erica, right now it's from Erica's perspective, but maybe someday I'll do it from the others. Starts with a conversation between Erica, Callie, and Mark and goes through finale.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: okay, this is the part where I say that Grey's is the greatest show ever and that all the rights and whatever are not mine. I wish they were, but…whatever. Warning to readers: this is just the first part of a fan-fic I'm working on, so it might get kind of long, cause I've got lots of ideas floating around in my head, and there is nothing on tv anymore. Also, if you've seen the season finale you know that there's a kiss, so be forwarned; there is kissing in this story, eventually. Thank you!

Perspectives

It was a hard day when this crazy thing called love began. The surgery had been touch and go, and by god things should have been easier. Not that any surgery is ever easy, but I'm the best there is, and so is my team, so why wasn't it...easy.

I can see the doors now, where salvation awaits. All I need is a nap. I've been on my feet for hours. A few quiet moments, it's all I'm asking. Some sleep, maybe a glass of wine. That should get everything back to normal.

I stop just outside the door. _Crap! What are those two doing sitting there? I can't deal with Sloan and Torres right now! _I exhale a breath I wasn't aware I was holding, and sweep my eyes over the two of them. They're just sitting there, not talking, not really moving; only their chests going up and down as they breath gives anything away. _Why do they both have to be in there? _

I enter the room, and sit on the end of the couch. No one speaks, but a million things are being said, with looks, and the breaths.

"I know this is going to sound bizarre..." I hear myself speak, but don't know what I'm thinking, "but do you people want to get a drink with me?"

"Why would we want to do that?"

Sloan's eyes were saying even more than his words; the blue crystal of his irises were like shards of glass--they were breaking defenses I had erected for too many reasons so long ago--a lifetime ago--when I was a different person.

Torres's voice broke my eye lock with Sloan. "She's saying she needs a friend!"

-- -- --

Joe's was crowded; we were at a high table drinking. My glass of red wine sat idle between my fingers. What was I doing here? My stomach felt like lead, and my mind was anywhere but here. It's funny how things look when they are not under the glow of surgical lamps--like Torres's smile, the angles...or rather the curve of her cheek.

I quickly took a drink of my wine..._I will not get involved with someone at work! _That promise would always be there--a promise made in the hallway of a hospital years ago. _Why now?...Why her? are we even friends? _We were out together, but I wasn't with her. We were here with Sloan, and that made this a threesome; oh-but how I wished it were different. The cut of her clothes, and the way she was moving was so distracting, my eyes kept wandering over her, all of her. _This has to be the stress of the day; the closeness of the surgery, anything but that nagging feeling I knew but refused to say_.Sloan, just wanted in someone's pants, and at the moment either of us would do.

They're laughing now, I don't know why, I'm so lost sitting here. They should have just gone off alone. There's a sexual tension between them that I can almost taste. I lick my lips, looking at the two of them. I needed a reason to leave, an out, I had to leave...and quickly...if I have to sit here and watch Sloan rake his eyes over her one more time..._oh-my! What am I thinking...that's Dr. Torres!_

Beep...Beep. _Thank God...A trauma..._

"I'll see you guys later." I almost ran from Joe's; I was moving at a very quick pace jostling people as I went. As the door closed I noticed my face was wet. I looked up at they sky; not raining...and that's when it hit me I was crying...Erica Hahn, does not cry..._I will not get involved with someone at work...I promise._

-- -- --

"Coffee"

I glance up to see Sloan slide the cup towards me. I've been doing these charts for hours, well actually I've been thinking about doing my charts for hours; as in staring at them but not getting anything done. He smiles as I bring the cup up to my lips, I don't break eye contact, because his eyes are the color of a perfect summer sky today; slightly mesmerizing. He looks good, and he knows it.

"Thanks," I say; "I really needed this." Actually what I really needed was to have my head examined; a good hour long session with the shrink upstairs, that's what I really needed, because somewhere in the months since my arrival at Seattle Grace I've been sliding closer and closer to the edge of a chasm. It's a place a promised myself I wouldn't ever come close to. My career as a surgeon has always come first; it's always been most important; it gave me my peace, my sense of purpose.

"Why don't just you and I go to Joe's tonight for drinks?" Mark asked.

_Oh-No! _"Mark...I mean Dr. Sloan. I try to stay away from relationships at work."

He shot me one of those knowing looks--like he could see and feel me sliding my body against him; and nothing would make him happier.

"You called me Mark...I think that's progress." And just like that he was gone, he just walked away. I wondered what he was really up to; and why in the world did I just call him Mark...there goes boundary number one: always, always, call people at work doctor followed by last name.

I close the chart, after all if I've been staring at them for hours and haven't gotten anything other, another couple of hours, or days will make no real difference. The light is soon to follow, and I press my fingers to the bridge of my nose.

"Erica Hahn will not get involved, in relationships with people at work." I say it out loud hoping it's the truth...the charts will just have to wait.

I walk out the door and towards the locker room...I'll go home...I can't get into trouble at home...alone.

I wasn't paying attention as I turned the corner, so as fate would have it I ran directly into Callie.

"Callie..." _crap; boundary number one has flown the coup._

"Erica, hey; I was just heading home. Would you care to join me for some wine and girl time...I swear if Mark hits on me one more time I might just kill him."

I stood silently a moment, she'd called me Erica, no one ever calls me Erica...It's always "yes, Dr. Hahn, and Right Away, Dr. Hahn."

"Erica" she looked genuinely confused.

"Sorry, um...lost in thought." thoughts that should not have been there but they were; and they were going to be the end of Dr. Erica Hahn...I knew it. Somewhere deep inside. "Sure...umm...just give me some time to clean up, and I'll...uh, meet you downstairs, okay."

"Okay...hey...Erica, is there something wrong? Cause you could come over an other time if you've got a lot on your mind?

"No, I'll go...It'll be good to get some down time." yeah that all came out in a rush.. "I'll see you in a few okay."

"Okay"

I brushed past her, but not before a caught the scent of her shampoo, or maybe her perfume, or maybe Callie just smelled like a summer's day, in which I'm kicking back at the park, they've just mowed all the grass, and I'm eating ice cream sundaes with a cherry on top. _Oh-Erica Hahn--you are in so far over your head._


	2. Chapter 2

I'd go to Callie's, have some wine, go home...alone and learn from all my recent mistakes.

I was dressed and headed down in the elevator. And as the doors opened I knew that fate was just pissed off at me, because the elevator doors opened and there stood Mark Sloan, looking like well...Like a Greek sex god. My life is such a mess.

"Dr. Hahn, I was just on my way to Joe's and thought I'd give you one more chance at having me."

He was acting like a kid in a candy store, except I actually wanted to be the candy..._Erica Hahn will not get involved with people at work..._I heard the words. Just let him down firmly but easily. "Dr. Sloan...Here's the deal...you're too pretty...your so pretty in fact that if we didn't work together...we would...probably..." okay, Erica, ease up a bit we wouldn't want him to think to keep trying. "The point is we do work together, and in order for me to do my job...I have to leave who I am outside of this hospital." _Oh-God, my life is going to hell in a hand basket, no...on the fast train, and I've got only a one way ticket; there is no going back from all of this boundary breaking._

"Erica, um...ready to go?"

"Sure..." I patted Mark on the shoulder, and linked arms with Callie...I was on my way to the brink, and I was pretty sure I wasn't coming back.

-- -- --

The night had been perfect...in fact the last four nights had been absolute perfection. Callie and I had gone out, every night after work...and some of those nights had never ended; which, was why I was lying in an on-call room failing miserably at trying to get a cat nap, at least.

Bits and pieces of conversations would float through the shut and locked door.

"You're hanging out with Hahn..." It was Yang. _Do not let her find me._

"Erica..." now that voice sang, if only just to me."Yeah...we went out last night and it got kind of late with the dancing, and the..." I couldn't quiet make out how she finished the story, but I didn't really need to; the memory of it was playing like a movie just for me. Callie had been wearing this dress that matched her chocolate eyes perfectly, and clung to every curve that woman had; we'd danced alright...mostly with each other. I smiled just thinking about it.

"...We uh, never made it home..." the laugh was so full of life it caused my smile to widen further, and my heart-rate to pick up; my cheeks grew rosy thinking about all that had transpired.

"You're hanging out with Dr. Hahn."

"Erica...yes." The way she said my name; had my heart beating in my ears.

"So...You and Hahn are friends."

"Erica...yeah" I could hear her heels clicking away, and could picture her walk; the hips would sway just so, in a pattern I had memorized..._store that memory away, Erica, there's no point, because Erica Hahn does not get involved with people at work. _Except I was involved...so involved that my stomach was throbbing, or was that ache lower; my heart rate was elevated. I took a deep breath, exhaled, and prayed for the bliss that was sleep.

-- -- --

Dr. Addison Montgomery was here…the woman who single handedly destroyed Seattle Grace, was here, and she was having lunch with Callie. Lunch was our thing; it was our time…no matter what went on at the hospital we always took time for each other at lunch. Of course those lunches meant more to me than they did to her, but I had decided that I was taking that secret to the grave.

There they say laughing…like old friends, which they were, but damn it—did she have to look so beautiful sitting there? Both of them looked like goddesses from so lost civilization. She was beautiful, stunning, picture-perfect, and I was starring, open mouthed and alone. Suddenly my salad was no longer appealing. Addison had just brushed some hair out of Callie's face…that's it; I'm done. I left.

-- -- --

Here I am again, in the middle of something I should have run screaming from. The whole gang is at Joe's. I'm sitting at a table, drink in hand, with Callie and Addison.

I really tried hating Addison, but she's just so…so…well perfect, and she care's about Callie, so…

Something happened at lunch with Addison. I just know it, because Callie hasn't said more than two words to me all night, and she keeps making eyes at Sloan, and that harsh laugh that says she's uncomfortable keeps coming out of her.

Callie's wearing that dress again, the one that matches her eyes. I'm so lost looking at her. I nurse my wine so no one notices, except everyone has…Addison keeps taking a drink from her glass while giving me a look that say's "you have 'I love my best friend' tattooed on my forehead".

From the corner of my eye I see that one of Callie's naturally curly locks has gotten caught in her lip gloss. My hand finds its way off the table and towards her face.

Addison's glass stops half-way to her mouth as my fingers touch Callie's cheek. At that moment Callie drops both hands into her lap, and almost pulls away. My fingers find the hair caught in those luscious lips glossed so carefully to catch the light.

"You had a hair caught in your lip gloss" my voice is just slightly lower than normal, so I take a sip of my wine; maybe they'll think I had a dry throat. My little cover up is of no use; Callie downs another shot, and Addison refuses to meet my eye, she just nurses her drink.

"Any of you ladies want to dance?" Mark says as he struts over.

"Ugh…for the thousandth time, no…"

"Beat it Sloan"

"I'll dance with you."

My heart may have actually quit beating in my chest. I'm a cardiothoracic surgeon for crying out loud, but I can't save myself this time. I'm just too far gone. I don't know when exactly it happened, that I feel head over heels for my best friend, but my world is upside down.

I watch as she leads Sloan to the floor, shaking everything her mother gave her in just the right way. Mark will never survive, and either will I.

"She's pretty…huh?" Addison's question caught me off guard, and the wine must have dampened my resolve because my response said it all.

"She's beautiful."

Swallowing the last of my wine I continue to follow my desire round the dance floor. Every once in a while she glances my direction. I try to say things with my eyes every time she looks, but she's not listening—at least not to me. My heart is in my throat, and my stomach is not far behind.

Callie pulls mark in close. She asks him something over the music, and his face lights up. I wish my face would light up like that. I know now, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Callie will leave with Mark—and shortly after I will leave, alone…at home where I can fall to pieces, and maybe, just maybe get back to being Erica Hahn 'scary heart god'. Because if I can get back to being her, I won't need my heart…this is good, because my heart just left with Mark Sloan.


	3. Chapter 3

Things had been getting back to normal. I was performing flawlessly at work, Callie was occasionally talking to me again—when she wasn't having sex with Sloan, and then Webber had to go and post that damn article on the bulletin board.

Preston Burke had stolen the prize for cardiothoracic research that should have been mine.

"It's because I don't have a penis, isn't it?" the words left my mouth without thought.

"Huh…" Oh-God, Callie. "I didn't even know you were being considered."

I turned and put the best smile I could on my face…"I wasn't going to mention it until I won, and then I was going to be all nonchalant, like awards don't really matter." I spoke as a swaggered towards her.

She smiled. The smile lit my world. I hadn't seen her smile like that since B.A.—Before Addison. She laughed too, and my heart sang—maybe, just maybe; my best friend was still in there, somewhere.

"Now Burke's gone and ruined my whole act." This was a dangerous game, and I could end up with nothing. I decided right then and there that I was going to play for this one—no more sitting on the side lines—this was for the game. I had to know if there was something really going on between Callie and me. "You wanna meet me at Joe's tonight? We can trash talk him."

"Umm" she looked away, took a step back and began to fidget. "I…ummm…I have a thing."

Oh-god, here comes Sloan.

"Hey, Callie, I need you to talk to the nurses for me; tell them I'm a good guy."

"We don't think you are…" Now butt out Sloan or I'll kick…oh-my, he did not just grind into her in front of me, I do not think so.

Callie's awkward laugh sends the pain deep, because I know that not only did Sloan's actions disturb me, they messed with Callie too.

"Dr. Torres thinks I'm a good guy, don't ya?" Smirk and all.

I just walk away, because if I don't I know I'll say something I'll regret…or worse, cry.

Author's Note: this section is really short and I'm sorry, but seriously, you can't say it any better than they said it on the show; this scene is priceless! If you want more write a review, other wise I may post some of my Callie perspective writtings.


	4. Chapter 4?

Author's note: I realize there is a gap in the story…I promise to post the missing scenes soon

Author's note: I realize there is a gap in the story…I promise to post the missing scenes soon.

I was at Joe's alone trying to piece myself back together like any good surgeon when she walked in. She was alone, and she stole my breath. She had worn her hair curly, or natural, as I like to think of it; and I really wanted to run my fingers through it and then grab it in a fist…pull her against me…and…

"Erica…Okay…Erica…Listen to me…Yoo-Hoo…Erica."

I looked at her, urging her without words to go on. My heart was beating extremely fast and my hands were shaking. I picked up the darts on the table so she wouldn't see.

"Look, I've been avoiding you, but when Addison was here, she said that…"

Okay, now we have my full attention.

"Well…she implied,"

I didn't know in that moment if I wanted her to figure out the puzzle that our relationship had become, all I really knew was that my response to what Callie was about to say needed to be perfect; and Oscar worthy.

"That we…that I was…that um…you and I might be lesbians." She finished in a rush.

Awkward silence…come on stupid laugh or your best friend will probably walk out of you life forever. So I did the only thing I could…I gave my best awkward laugh, and thanked the academy.

-- -- --

I cried my way home that night, and when I got there I took a really good long hot bubble bath and then cried myself to sleep.

**Dream Sequence**

Her lips were as soft and full as they looked, and she tasted like heaven. Her dark hair cascaded around us as she pushed me down and thourghly went to work kissing me with unbridled passion. Her eyes were alight with life and love; was speechless, but the only thing that mattered was she was here, and she was kissing me, and I loved her…

**End Dream**

I bolted upright, straight out of bed; throwing on sweats as I went. Out the door; I just needed to run. Run from the truth my dream had given me; run from the fear and excitement I felt. A good run was just what I needed. So I ran, and kept going. I knew, or rather felt; that if I stopped everything would catch up with me, and if it caught me I would be consumed; swallowed whole, and my life would be forever changed.

I ran…and ran…and ended up at work. The place, with the people, who were screwing up my carefully orchestrated life. I hate my life, sometime, especially at this moment…so I take a deep breath, shake my fist at the sky, square my shoulders, and hope for some really good traumas. Maybe surgery will get my head on straight; otherwise, I'm going to need the worlds best shrink.

-- -- --

The morning had gone remarkably well; Callie and I had some funny moments; just between the two of us—basically we're together in this big conspiracy to get the old Mark back; he keeps talking about turning over a new leaf; whatever; we liked him when he was just a man-hoer

Callie asked if we could start doing lunches again. So with my new found tenacity; a salad I had bought, and the hope of regaining my friendship I head off to find Callie.

What do you know; she's sitting with Mark. I better make this good.

"Shove over Sloan, Torres and I are going to share a saffic salad."

"Did I miss something?"

Okay, so I was playing this up; I was doing everything short of licking my fork in inappropriate ways.

And bless Callie she didn't miss a beat.

"Yeah, we're lovers…didn't you know?"

"It's a love that dare not speak its name." I said with my tongue wrapped around my straw; this was so fun.

"Look me in the eye and tell me you're not thinking about a threesome." Callie was daring Mark, almost pushing him over the edge.

"I'm not…" he couldn't hold eye contact to save his life. "The old Mark would but, that's no more."

"Really you're not thinking about her, and me, and you…and a video camera?"

Mark had walked away, bit into his apple, picked up his tray and left…and we laughed. Laughed like B.A. (Before Addison); before I started lying through my teeth, before I fell in love with my best friend, and before a threesome with Mark was ever in the picture.

It was good to be back!

There were a few awkward moments at lunch where Callie seemed more entertained by talking about Sloan, than talking with me. But I was the one eating lunch with her, and not him…well not anymore.

-- -- --

From then on the day was kind of a blur. I'd been busy being Erica Hahn 'heart god' and wasn't thinking much of anything as I got on the elevator; Callie was there but she wouldn't meet my eye. So we rode in silence until the doors opened again and Mark Sloan got on.

I glanced over at Mark and Callie. The picture was different, something had changed. Maybe we were all just tired and our defenses were down maybe…

"He's thinking about a threesome."

Her words make me smile, I can't help it.

"Am not." Came Mark's quick reply.

"Yes you are…He has been all day…"

Callie's cheeks were a little flushed, and Mark was a fidgety as I'd ever seen him. I had no clue how heated this discussion might become; but a wicked thought had entered my mind…

"Okay, fine…I got a new leaf not a lobotomy."

"You couldn't handle the two of us." My brain was working over time. Just how far could I take this. So far the banter had just been banter; but I was about to up the stakes in this game.

"Oh I could…I won't…but I could."

Well good for Mark, he wasn't backing down, but neither was I. This should cook your goose really well Mark.

"You wouldn't find it intimidating." I had a plan, somewhere during this repartee, my brain had come up with a brilliant plan; but if it backfired, there would be heavy consequences.

"Not at all."

I reached out slowly toward Callie, my fingers tracing the curve of her cheek. Lightning crackled in my veins as my fingers made contact. I turned her quickly to me so I wouldn't lose my nerve, and brushed my lips to hers. She didn't stiffen like I thought she would. The world stood still, and my heart was like thunder in my ears.

I pulled away before being carried away.

"See, too much for you." Mark's jaw was on the ground.

I exited the elevator, and my words hung in the air, and the longer I thought about them the more I realized I wasn't just saying those words to Mark. I had said them to all three of us.


	5. Chapter 5?

Damn…Damn…Damn; Damn this hospital; Damn Yang: Damn Mark Sloan; and Damn Richard Webber! Just Damn!

Yang had fixed a problem with my last patient; she'd done it alone; and Webber was just…oh-so proud.

I don't need any of this aggravation…where are my damn keys…all I want to do is leave, but I can't even get that right…where are those damn keys. I keep rifling through my bag; I don't even hear the footsteps as they approach.

"Hey, I wanted to see if you wanted to grab a drink."

"I can't find my keys"

"Maybe we could…um…I had something I wanted to talk to you about."

"I had the damn things this morning…I put them in this bag, but I can't remember; this whole thing with Yang…"

"Erica"; her voice finally unclogged my foggy brain.

"What" I just look at her. She looks so unsure; something is obviously eating at her, so I soften the look on my face, urging her on without words, because I have none; she looks beautiful standing there shrouded in shadow and doubt.

"I'm saying something here…"

Oh just forget the damn keys Erica Hahn, your friend needs you.

"I wanted to say…"

She trails off into a whisper. She glances down for a moment and fidgets a little; It's adorable. She has every last ounce of my attention when she looks back up at me; her eyes are saying something and my heart leaps…

"I just wanted to say…"

She whispers as she approaches. My mind goes utterly blank; Callie brushes her lips to mine, and for a second I'm frozen. Kiss her back stupid, I hear in my mind.

My hands finally find her face, and then that soft, all to sexy dark hair.

We break apart, hearts racing, and breath coming in gasps…Callie Torres, Dr. Callie Torres; my friend and confidante kissed me…and I kissed her back. She smiles and pulls me back in. Or lips meet and it feels like just another night with Callie; it's fun, it's fresh, never boring—and I think I like it.


	6. Post Kiss Chapter 1

The warm sun hit my pillow all too soon…but I was no where near waking

The warm sun hit my pillow all too soon…but I was no where near waking. I was lost in a pair of dark chocolate eyes, midnight black curls, perfectly bronzed silky smooth skin, and lips that tasted like wickedly-sweet and fruity lip gloss…it was a dream, the most amazing dream ever, but still…just a dream; my body knew it was just a dream because as my arms reached for my dream all my fingers found were cool crisp sheets, and emptiness. Sure, Dr. Callie Torres was not physically in my bed, but in a small part of my entirely screwy head, she was there.

_BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ_

My matted eyes flew open at the sound of my alarm. There would be no coffee this morning, my nerves were frayed already. My heart rate couldn't take the buzz the caffeine would bring.

I padded to the bathroom, and as I gazed into the mirror a wicked thought crossed my mind—just spend some extra time getting ready…look irresistible, come on, just do it…put on that outfit you shoved to the back of the closet when you thought you'd never need it again…

I slowly pulled the skirted suit out of the back of my closet. The skirt was shorter than most of my skirts, and it flared just right, and hit my curves in all the right places. The jacket was a deep wine color. The whole outfit made all of my features, the good ones anyway, stand at attention. But the harder I tried to look 'irresistible' the more I could see how time had aged me…I'll never look right standing next to her. I still looked overly stern, and too serious, and that 'irresistible' suit, really began to look more and more like a power statement, it made my image scream 'career driven'…and I just looked old…damn!

-- -- --

I stopped for some ridiculous frozen fruit slush on my way to work, but every time I took a sip it hit my stomach like lead, and made me smell of that lip gloss that my brain seemed to find so obsessive it could not move on.

I'd rally just needed something to hold in my hand…because they were shaking like my first days in residence. It was ridiculous, of course, to be so nervous…it was just a kiss after all…okay so maybe more than one.

I pulled my car into my designated spot and just sat there; because now that I was here, about to face the world with the knowledge that last night a beautiful woman had kissed me outside this very hospital, and I'd had the audacity to kiss her back; I wanted nothing more than to run, and run as far away as I could go.

Dr. Callie Torres had kissed me, full on the lips—I could still feel the soft way her lips dragged against mine, the perfect pressure she'd exerted with that mouth, and those hands…my heart had raced, the energy sizzled between us as I had responded in force…

_BANG, BANG_

The knock on my car window abruptly pulled me back from the ledge…but I had one last thought before I responded to the pounding…I've become like every other damn attending in this place…obsessed with a co-worker.

I turned my head to see Yang pounding on my window. She looked frantic so I quickly grabbed my bag and exited the car.

"Breath Yang, then tell me what the hell is going on."

"Trauma…big…Trauma." She said gasping for every word.

"Let's Go!"

-- -- --

I hastily put on my scrubs, tied my scrub cap on and ran for the doors of the ER…Trauma meant surgeries, and surgeries always put me in a perfect frame of mind. Sutures, cuts, replacements, blood vessels, arteries…those made sense…and I desperately needed something that made sense because my life currently did not.

The ER was like a circus when I arrived. I scanned quickly; Bailey, Sloan, Stephens, Meredith, Yang, Shepherd, Webber…No Torres…Dr. Callie Torres was not among the staff trying to save a bus load of people…maybe she had a surgery that just couldn't wait…hospitals were like that.

"HAHN…A LITTLE HELP, NOW!" Bailey was in a mood…I sprang into action in a flash.

-- -- --

The rest of the day was gone in a flash after flash…and believe it or not Yang was immensely helpful…The girl knew her stuff. I let her do some of the more basic surgeries solo so I could concentrate on the one's that needed my years of experience.

Before I knew it the whole day was done; everyone had survived and the chief was dismissing us all, with a thanks, and a job well done.

It was as I was walking to the locker room that Sloan grabbed my arm and dragged me into an on-call room.

"Where the hell is Torres…" he demanded.

Oh- Mark demanding was just too much for me. I glared at him, "I thought she would be with you…you know…clearing her head after a tough day!" I screamed; It was mean and uncalled for but…damn it…I didn't know, and my nerves were even more frayed than that had been that morning.

Mark at least had the brains to look shocked at my reaction to his question. He lowered his eyes, then uncrossed and recrossed his arms, and when he spoke it was soft and full of control…

"I just thought that after last night…you know what happened outside this hospital, that she had gone home with you…and come in with you this morning."

"I didn't sleep with her…" why was I telling Mark this. "We kissed, that was all…I went home…I figured she went with you for drinks or something after that."

"Well I guess, um, we both assume too much…"

Mark was laughing.

And in the absurdity that was my life, I laughed too…But it was short lived; we jointly decided that I would be the one to call Callie before I met Mark for drinks at Joe's to celebrate all the saving we had done. Everyone needed the down time after all that trauma. It was then that I remembered the outfit I had worn to work…Oh-God…this will not send Mark the right signals…damn!


	7. Post Kiss Chapter 2

The phone rang a number of times before Callie's automated answering service picked up…"you've reached Callie Torres, I'm on a temporary vacation so leave a message."

A vacation, I wonder where, and why? Callie hadn't mentioned any vacation, but our communication lately had not been the best. Maybe Webber was still around, I'll just drop by his office and check.

I took one look in the mirror at the blasted outfit, tossed my hair a bit and thought; whatever, let people think what they want, I'm Dr. Erica Hahn 'heart-god' after all.

-- -- --

"Richard, do you have a moment?"

The man was sitting at his desk reviewing that days OR activities. The hospital was Webber's heart and soul along with all those who worked here.

"Of course Dr. Hahn…What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering if you knew where Dr. Torres was?"

"Yes,"

"And…"

"She took a short leave…something more of my surgeons should do…take some time, so they can continue to perform up to expectations."

"I was wondering if…"

"I can't tell you anymore Erica; What ever Dr. Torres reasons for needing a leave are hers, and hers alone, just let it be."

My heart plummeted, my face fell, I was on the verge of a breakdown; one I wasn't sure I wanted to share.

"Erica, is there something else…I should know?"

"Sir…I…Dr. Torres…We…I don't know."

"Erica, Callie appeared to be totally healthy and fine when she came into my office to ask for her leave; she looked a little confused…like life had been a little rough on her, she said she needed some sun…I believe she headed south…I'll say no more about this…I think that you are a very capable, intelligent, woman…you'll get this all figured out."

I left Webber's office, exited the hospital with as much dignity as I could muster and made a beeline for Joe's. My brain had indeed deduced where Callie had gone, I just didn't know why…or what I was going to tell Mark.

"Dr. Hahn…you look…wow, just wow! Is it all for me or were you expecting someone else?"

"Shove it Sloan…Not a good day."

"Okay, fine… did you um…ya know?"

"Can we please just talk about this like adults, and not pre-adolescent junior high girls?"

"Sure…so where is she."

"South." I didn't really want to tell Mark anything, but if Richard could play this game so could I.

"South, huh…you didn't actually talk to her did you?"

"No…I asked Webber, but I did call her and leave a message. And all Webber would give me was South, and that she had taken a short leave, and that I should drop it."

"Well, what should two consenting adults do, when they find they have all sorts of extra time on their hands?"

"Mark!"

"It never hurt to ask."

"Next time it might…" I said under my breath.

-- -- --

I figured I would give Callie some time, but if I hadn't heard from her in a few days I would give her another call.

There was a horrible tension that existed in my life. I knew that part of it was that I hadn't talked to Callie since that kiss…that amazing night that had flipped my world upside down, and caused me to feel things I had shoved to the back of my heart, because one does not get to the top of any field without sacrifice.

The days drug by…I taught Yang a lot…more than I would have thought I wanted to, but we had become companions of a sort. At least she understood hearts like I did.

I broke down once and dialed Callie's number, but hung up when the answering service picked up. I hoped where ever she was, she had gotten herself worked out because I needed all the help I could get.

Every time I closed my eyes all I saw was her…her arms extended toward me…her body welcoming mine like no one before…I didn't know what to feel; or what to do, all I knew was that Callie had opened a door, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't close it.

"Dr. Hahn."

"Sloan."

"So this is where you hide out when you don't want to be found."

We were in a recovery room down at the end of some slightly forgotten hallway; I had my charts strewn about…there was some shelves, a wheeled stool, and a bed in the room.

"What do you want?"My mind was too consumed for games.

"How are you holding up?"

"I should ask you the same."

"No really…come on Erica…New leaf."

"Honestly?"

"Honestly…"

"I don't know how I'm still standing. I don' know exactly where Callie is; I'm confused, I hurt all over, I feel…I just feel."

Mark opened his arms and, somehow, I found myself in them…and blast it all to hell…I was crying…no, sobbing on his shoulder.

"Shhh…Shhh…It'll work itself out…shhhhhh."

I looked up at him with my tear stained cheeks "New leaf, huh?"

"It sucks sometimes being the good guy, but I sleep better at night."

I laughed a little…

"Sometimes it helps to talk things through, just like with a surgery—sometimes you have to talk your way through it before actually doing it."

I climbed up on the bed…and Mark wheeled the stool over and sat.

"I don't even know where to start."

"Well the beginning usually works best."

"I don't know where it began, but I do know when it began to matter…"

"When did it begin to matter?"

"I know you remember the day I kissed her in the elevator…"

"Yeah, very vivid memory."

"Well, at the time, it really was just a joke, I really just wanted you to shut up with the threesome thing, because it's just gross…and…and I can only handle one person anyway…"

"Okay…but what changed?"

"I did…we all did…you started you new leaf…no one would talk to me…I had all of these thoughts and feelings running around my system. The more I tried to make a joke out of that night, the less of a joke it became…I'm not one of those people who can just kiss someone; I knew that, but I did it anyway…I don't know why…And then she had to go and kiss me the other night…and now…I've never felt this way before…like a part of me is missing…"

"Erica…"

I looked at him; I hadn't been able to while I was speaking. He had his head down, and his arms on his knees…he wasn't looking at me…he appeared to be trying to figure out the right way to say something.

"Erica…do you love her?"

"What?"

"Do you love her? Do you wake up every morning needing to see her face? Does your heart long to have hear near when she's away? Is she the last thing you think of before your head hits the pillow? Can you continue to live your life if she never comes back?"

"Mark…"

"I'm serious Erica…look I may not know exactly how you feel, but I have been in love before…"

"Do you miss her?"

"Callie?"

"No…Addison?"


	8. Post Kiss Chapter 3

Mark and I conversed until the sun started to stream in through the window; he still loved her…that much I knew with certainty. All those nurses, and some doctors had just been filler, place holders; no one would ever hold Mark's heart again—he'd given it away, to a woman who didn't know she'd taken it with her, when she left…she took it, and Mark desperately needed his heart.

Life was cruel, and in reality love was a choice…And for the first time I really saw Mark. Not Mark the surgeon, or Mark the 'ladies man', but Mark, in all of his glory—He was indescribable…and so full of pain and loss…We were one and the same in those moments…we would walk away from this event forever changed…because to deny a kindred spirit would be o lose all humanity we possessed.

"Mark…I know where Callie is."

It was a statement…

"She's in California; she went to visit Addison."

"Addison." His voice was shallow, and it sounded as if it was coming from far away.

"When Webber told me she had gone south his hand was resting on a pre-natal chart; He was telling me exactly what I needed to know without breaking confidence."

"Well…"

"I have a crazy idea…"

"Erica…"

"Let's take a leave of absence and go see some old friends."

"This plan is crazy; we don't even know why Callie left…but…we all know why Addison did."

"Mark…look at me…this is the God's honest truth from a woman's perspective…only the woman knows why she leaves."

"You love Callie that's obvious, and we all apparently know where my heart is…but I don't think I can walk into her rejection so willingly…No, I know I couldn't live through that again."

"You don't even want to know if there's hope out there?"

"No."

"Mark…"

"What did you expect me to do Erica? Addison left me; not once but twice; and don't even 'third times a charm' me Erica Hahn; I won't hear it!"

"Mark…my heart hurts for you, but I won't make you come; I refuse however, to shut the door on your options…I'm leaving in three hours; if you show up in the doctors lot I'll take you with me; if your not there, you and only you will bear your burden."

-- -- --

I went directly to Richard's office; He wasn't there, but the door was open—I quickly typed up a note about my reasons for leaving, and how long I would be gone. Made sure to leave all important contact information; printed the thing and just held it in my hand…What was I doing? None of this was rational…It didn't make any sense in the world I knew, but Mark's words haunted me 'could you live if she never came back?' The rational part of my brain said 'yes'; but there was a darker, more real voice that whispered 'no'; and that voice was smooth as coffee, and as dark and comforting as chocolate; which brought visions of Callie's eyes to mind, and her skin, the texture of her fingers as she'd touched my face. I could not continue to live life as I knew it if Callie were not by my side. I set the letter in front of Adele's picture on Richard's desk to make sure he wouldn't miss it, and quietly left the hospital.

-- -- --

I 'd packed my bag in record time, loaded some provisions in the cooler…enough for two…I was being optimistic, but I couldn't help it…Love did that to a person…made them eternally optimistic. I loaded everything in, and felt the finality of it all as I slammed the trunk. There was no going back, if I followed through with this…it would forever change who I was and how I saw myself…and for the first time I was nervous…What if all this was in vain? What if going to California meant facing rejection? Was that a risk I really wanted to take?

I kicked the back tire of my car…damn—that hurt; but I had to focus…Was not knowing better than knowing? Was ignorance really bliss?

A vision of Callie flashed in front of me, but it wasn't a good one. I could see her face when she'd known beyond a shadow of a doubt that George was not her's anymore. Not knowing was like and open and infected wound…knowledge was having the power to irrigate and close the wound so healing could take place.

I resolutely got in my car, but I didn't drive to the hospital; I drove to Joe's.

"Mark…I thought I might find you here."

He was deep into his drink.

"Just leave, go get the girl…do whatever it is that two happy people do and leave me be!"

"No."

"No?"

"No…You're coming…and I won't take no for an answer…"

"Why?"

"Because if this infection gets any worse you won't survive…"

"What are you talking about?"

"Not knowing is like an open infected wound…and you Mark are the perfect example of the walking wounded…the infection gets worse and it passes to other parts of the body…knowing will give you the power to irrigate and close the wound…Mark…Healing is possible."

"How would you know?"

"I don't…But if it works in the human body; it should work in an emotional context…Plus, I have to believe in something, or I won't go, and I'll turn into you…I can't handle that."

"I can't either…"

He finished his drink, and picked up a bag I had failed to notice.

"Let's go."

-- -- --

"I may live to regret this trip, but never the company."

Mark was stretching his legs out which was difficult in my small car…He had the seat pushed all the way back and down as far as it would go but he was still all hunched over.

"I'll pull over at the next exit so you can really stretch, and we can eat some food from the cooler I brought."

"I love traveling with women…"

"Why?"

"Because…they think of everything."

-- -- --

Before I knew it we'd hit the California border. Mark had slept periodically as we drove, so as night descended I pulled the car over…

"Mark…"

"What?"

He was mostly asleep, his head resting against the window.

"Mark." I said it louder.

His eyes opened.

"I'm awake…what?"

"Will you drive; I'm so tired…and I'd actually like it immensely if we would both be alive to see the end of this."

"What if they say no?"

Mark…if they say no it's their loss, really…if they say no, we pick ourselves up piece by piece, stitch ourselves back together, and remain friends, because we'll need each other's support if they say no…to heal."

"You look like shit."

"Mark, coming from you that's a complement."

He didn't argue further, he just got out of the car and walked around to the drivers side. He opened my door, and when I didn't move he bent down until he was at eye level with me…

"Erica…What is it?"

"What if only one of us gets our happy ending?"

He was silent a moment.

"Well, if only one of us gets our happy ending I hope it's you, because, the world couldn't handle two of me."

"Mark."

"Get out of the car Erica, you are exhausted…beyond exhausted, and we can't get to where we're going if you don't let me drive. Now, Erica Hahn, or I will pick you up and carry you over there."

"You wouldn't dare…"

But before I even finished Mark's arms were around me, and I was being lifted out of my seat…he cradled me against his chest…and for a moment no one moved…I wasn't even sure I was breathing…

"Mark…"

"What?"

His response was gruff as he began to walk around the car, as if my weight was nothing…

"If I didn't love her…I'd be falling for you."

He stopped walking.

"If I didn't love her…Addison…I'd be falling for you too."

I laughed, and he did too…he continued on, and gently placed me in the passenger seat of the car.

"Sleep well Dr. Hahn, and dream of a dark haired beauty that holds your heart. I'll keep you safe, until she can…"

I was out before he closed the driver's side door and started the car.


	9. Post Kiss Chapter 4

-- -- --

-- -- --

I woke to sun, palm trees and classical music…

"We're almost there."

"I would have never picked you for a classical music man, Mark Sloan."

"Ah, what a women miss when they refuse to try…"

"Feeling like old Mark, huh?"

"I feel like this is right…Like I'm finally choosing to live instead of just be."

"Too much sun…" I smirked; "We're not used to it."

"Maybe it's the smog…"

"Maybe it's love…"

-- -- --

We stopped at the Wellness Center first…No one was surprise to see us…That was a little unnerving.

"They are at Addison's, surfing I believe…" Naomi stated.

"Surfing?" We said at the same time.

"Surfing…you guys are acting weird, even for California; go on…get outta here." Pete said.

-- -- --

Addison's house was amazing…We parked in front, and just sat there…I think we were too scared to actually move…

"So?"

I took a deep calming breath…

"Let's go see who's going to heal who?"

We walked around to the back, apparently they were done surfing because the boards lay abandoned on the beach. We both held our breath as we caught sight of them…they were sitting side by side on beach towels, laughing…they turned as if sensing they were being watched.

They waved us over…

"I feel over dressed…" was all Mark could say.

"Well pretty boy, let's go…They don't look too sad to see us."

"We'll see."

"Mark…don't back down now…remember irrigate and sew."

"Are you referring to healing or sex?"

We laughed as we walked…in that moment the future didn't matter, only the present.

"Don't rush anything…" I whispered as we came near.

"Mark, Dr. Hahn; what brings you two to sunny California?" Addison's eyes sparkled from behind her sunglasses.

"Vacation…" I stated, very simply.

"Richard said we should get out of the city for a bit; we just thought we'd drop in on some old friends."

He overemphasized the 'old friends' part and I almost laughed.

"The house is open why don't you guys bring your stuff in, change into some…umm…more appropriate attire and we can talk about what really brought you all the way to California over drinks on the beach."

We just nodded…my tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth…Mark was having similar problems with words.

We'd been found out; I was 100 certain. As Mark and I changed out of our wrinkled clothes and put on 'vacation' attire, I looked over at Mark. He had chosen board shorts and flip flops…He looked…Well…like he'd finally come home…This atmosphere fit him…his athleticism, his chiseled features; my attempt looked far less passable.

"Here, put this on."

"What is it?"

"It's a swim suit; bikini actually, and a wrap around skirt…it's your size, trust me."

"I do…"

"No…you don't, but you're beginning to…plus…"

"What?"

"You cannot go wooing looking like a lost girl scout."

I quickly pulled off the cargo shorts and t-shirt I had been wearing, and placed the bikini on…

"ummm…Mark…a little help."

"I swear, Erica; there has got to be some girl inside you somewhere."

I laughed at the absurdity of Mark having to tie my bikini top and wrap around skirt on.

"Don't worry, I won't tell" I said.

"Tell what?"

"That you are totally gay…and a drag queen at that."

"Nope, totally wrong Dr. Hahn. I'm just a man-whore whose taken a lot of these of unsuspecting women."

"Not anymore."

"Well let's go…we wouldn't want to find out damsels in distress already rescued, would we?"

"No…let's go."

And together Mark and I walked out to face whatever life had for us.

-- -- --

The sun was beginning to set; Addison was starting a fire on the beach, and Callie was at Addison's make shift bar pouring wine into glasses; No, not wine, champagne…I wondered what we were going to celebrate…

I didn't have to wonder long…Addison had joined Callie; They approached us and my throat clogged…so this was fear…real or imagined…I wanted to run…I stole a glance at Mark. His brow was furrowed…Fear was thick.

"To friendship…" we managed to say in unison as we were given our glasses.

They looked at each other, and then back at us.

"To more…" they said as they extended their glasses toward us.

"To more…" we managed to echo as our glasses touched.

The setting was perfect for this reunion of sorts…we all sat in chairs near the fire on the beach. Addison and Mark were sitting close together…He kept saying something I couldn't make out what, but Addison would laugh and place her hand on Mark's arm. Things appeared to be going well for him.

"Erica." Callie called.

"umm…hummm…"

"Yoo-Hoo! Earth to Erica…"

I turned towards her…taking my eyes off Mark and Addison was hard…I kept hearing my own words echo in my head: 'what if only one of us gets our happy ending?'

"Is kissing you the only was I can get your attention?"

I blushed and lowered my head…Callie's hand found my chin, and she used it to both caress and make me meet her eyes. She was everything beautiful and mysterious. There was something written in her eyes I should be able to read, but my eyes were full of unshed tears. I tried to blink them away, but they escaped, and ran down my cheeks…Callie casually ran her thumbs across my cheeks, brushing the tears away…

"Why did you leave?" I managed to croak out.

"Erica…"

"Why?"

I was crying and it was silly; she wasn't running; she was here, and I was here…and neither of us was running…yet…

"I needed some perspective…" she began. "When I kissed you…my world turned upside down… I didn't know who I was anymore…All I wanted to do was stay in that moment, because things made sense; but moments don't last forever…I don't know why everything suddenly made sense…I felt whole in a way I never thought I would again…you fixed me Erica, with your words of truth, and your friendship…But friendship wasn't going to be enough…not after the elevator, and defiantly not after that night when I kissed you…I had to find myself before I could…"

"Callie, stop…"

We just sat there looking at each other, she hadn't moved her hands from my face, I brought mine up to meet them.

"Erica… I have something I need to say…"

"Do I want to hear this?"

"Even if you don't, you have to, because if I don't say it I might explode. I'm not sure it's medically advisable to hold feelings in for too long…"

"What?"

"I'm pretty sure I love you…I've never felt this way before about anyone…not even George; I loved him in my own way…but this…"

She pulled one of my hands toward her. She placed it over her heart, and held it there.

"This is yours, if you want it…I can't promise you perfection…I am still human…I can't even promise I won't hurt you, because I already have…"

I kissed her then, just to stop her from saying any more. This was my response, because words were useless to me at the moment…Her lips met mine; there was no hesitation on either side…she tasted like the sea…and of hope.

I pulled away smiling like a fool; something I hadn't done in a long time.

"I love you…" I said… "Unless you didn't get that from the kiss."

"Erica…"

"What.?"

"Just remember who said it first."

I just kept holding her hand; and placed my head on her shoulder, and turned to watch what was left of the sunset…

"ummm….I think maybe we should leave Mark and Addison alone out here."

I almost asked why but caught a glimpse of Mark's hand on Addison's thigh.

"Let's go inside; I'm tired…" I said; It was mostly the truth.

"I'm not; and once I get you inside you won't be either."

We ran for Addison's; Leaving Mark to his wooing.


	10. What Happen's Next Ch 1

When we got into Addison's house it was dark

When we got into Addison's house it was dark. Callie was ahead of me somewhere; I could hear her feet hitting the wood floor…there wasn't enough light for me to see clearly…I should have paid better attention to the layout of the house when I was inside earlier…

"Erica?"

Callie's voice was quiet…too quiet. I couldn't tell which direction it was coming from. I placed one foot in front of the other, and began walking…I hadn't gone more than a few steps when my toes found the coffee table.

"OUCH1 DAMN-IT! GET THE LIGHTS!"

"Erica?"

Callie was having a giggle fit and half way to the floor when the lights came on. Addison was standing over me in a minute.

"You really should turn on some lights if in unfamiliar territory…"

She was trying hard not to laugh, as I laid there sprawled on the floor clutching my foot.

"I don't think I broke anything, if that's any consolation."

"What the hell is going on in there?"

"Erica…ummm…tripped."

Callie had only marginally managed to gain some self-control…I shot her a heart stopping glare…that I usually reserve for interns…

"Is there any blood?"

"No."

"Well, then my expertise in not needed; and unless an emaculate conception happened in the five minutes you two were alone…I'd say Addison isn't needed either."

"I think he's unhappy because he's not the center of attention."

"Or at least Addison's center of attention."

This time it was Addison glaring at Callie.

Callie had managed to regain her footing though and had begun to walk towards me…well walk was the wrong word…strut would be a better descriptor…I was grinning from ear to ear like a fool. Seeing Callie this way, with no inhibitions…with her mind made up was…amazing.

"I'm the expert she needs…"

Callie's voice was pure seduction. Addison quickly backed away…she may have backed all the way to Seattle, had Mark not caught her by the arm and done his best gave man routine.

"Does it hurt?"

"Not so much any more…I'm pretty sure it was just my pride we heard snap in two."

Callie's hands were magic as she gently extracted my foot from my hands and pulled it into her lap…she began to rub the ball of my foot; and lightning arched through my blood stream. She methodically rubbed and caressed my foot. It was better than any foot massage I'd ever had.

"Erica…can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"ummm…I was wondering…I just…well…"

"Callie."

She stopped moving. She looked lost again…my heart hammered away in my chest…I was sure she could hear it.

"Have you…"

She began…

"Have you ever…ya know…been with…ummm…ya know?"

"No."

"No?"

"Why does that surprise you?"

"You seemed so sure of yourself that night in the elevator…when you…when you pulled my face towards yours, and your lips sure knew what they were doing…"

"Callie, that night in the elevator changed my perspective on quiet a few things…"

She scooted across the floor to my side, and laced her fingers through mine.

"Tell me about it."

"What, now you want a bed time story…am I your mother?"

"I like the story of us…"

She used that word so casually it caught me off guard.

"I just want to hear how you saw things; what you felt; how you and Mark became friends, for crying out loud; I feel like I missed the whole thing…"

I got up slowly, and pulled her with me. We snuggled together on the couch. She laid in front of me…so trusting…she pulled my arm around her…

"So, are you going to tell me or not?"

I kissed her cheek…and ran my fingers through that midnight silk, she called hair.

"Okay, but it's a long story."

"I'm not tired."

"When I was in residency…"

"You don't need to go back that far!"

"Shhh…this is important."

She snuggled deeper into me…and I drew my arm tighter around her waist.

"When I was in my first year of residency I caught the eye of a brilliant cardiothoracic surgeon…he was handsome, and debonair…and very wealthy; he took me under his wing and as time went on, I began to think that maybe I had found my prince charming…all the female employees resented me for the…ummm…effect I had on him. I didn't know that at the time; I just figured they couldn't handle a women being in charge—I had begun seeing my superior behind the backs of everyone I knew…our relationship progressed just like everyone elses—or so I thought…I'd begun developing a research idea, on a new method…something that would save time and lives…and to my joy, and latter my loss…the trials went on…the medical community was all a buzz…my name never crossed their lips—When all the research was done…all the I's had been dotted, and the t's crossed I figured…In all my innocence that he would finally see me; and not just the research. I searched and searched for the article, and what I found was that he had published all of the findings under his name…I had received no credit…none at all…and then we began to grow apart. I desperately wanted him to continue to love me…but the damage had been done…he wouldn't love me…he couldn't. He became cruel and we grew further and further apart…he was always pushing…so I learned to push back…I became overly independent…never trusting…never confiding…I only cared about the next step…the next surgery…I needed complete control…until…until I came to Seattle Grace…"

Callie's breathing had deepened and elongated during my 'story'; and her hand had gone slack in mine…

"My life changed because of you…You Dr. Callie Torres managed to be more stubborn and independent than I could…you broke your way through every barrier I threw at you…and I'm eternally grateful…sleep well…"

I laid my head down next to hers and fell asleep attempting to answer a question of my own…Now what?

-- -- --

I woke like I always do; reaching for someone who's not there…I heard laughter, and smelled coffee…I didn't want to move…I wanted Callie…in my arms…on my lips…where was she?

"Hey sleepy-head; you need some coffee…come on…"

She poked me on the shoulder…I being fully awake…grabbed the hand the next time it came to poke me…and pulled…she landed right on top of me.

"It's a good thing Addison is obsessed with these to-go mugs."

She was waggling her eyebrows at me doing a very good impression of Mark. I pulled her closer…our lips met…she tasted of coffee and…well…that fruity lip gloss…I think I've finally developed my first addiction…lip gloss…well Callie's lip gloss.

"Good morning…"

I said as we parted…Callie just sat down the two to-go mugs and turned back to me…

"This is how you say good morning Dr. Hahn…"

She caressed my face and then her hand found the base of my scull…she pulled me towards her…lips fused…and then ever so lightly I felt her tongue lick my bottom lip…I opened and she claimed…and not just my mouth but me…when she broke away my lungs were burning from lack of oxygen and my lips were numb.

"Speechless, I see…I have that effect on people. Here drink your coffee…and I'll go get breakfast."

As she carried in the breakfast tray; my brain formed words and my mouth was actually able to say them…

"Did you enjoy your bed time story last night?"

Apparently my question caught Callie off guard because the tray hit the table with a resounding "bang".

"Erica…about last night…"

"It's okay…I'm boring…overly technical…"

"No!"

"No?"

"Well okay, when we're talking hospital talk, yes; but last night…last night you were…eloquent."

"Eloquent huh…I was referring to the fact that you fell asleep before the good part."

"Erica…"

Callie was sending me one of her glares, ironically enough I almost felt like an intern.

"Well you did."

"I'm sorry…"

"For falling asleep?"

"No…I'm sorry that…that thing hurt you."

"Callie, as much as we would like to change our pasts sometimes…our experiences make us who we are…"

"No one should have to go through that."

"I agree…which is why I never got involved with another person at work…I promised myself…that I would not let that happen again…"

"But you are involved with someone at work…Erica Hahn… 'rule breaker' … I didn't know you had a wild side."

"You mean all that dirty dancing and drinking didn't count?"

"Not until now…I get to keep score…"

"Oh-really!"

"Yeah, so any more rules you want to break Dr. Hahn?"

She was moving like a cat on the prowl…

"No…but if I may; I think I would like to break the involvement rule some more…"

"Oh-really!"

She was almost on top of me now…her hands were trailing up my sides…

"With who?"

"You…"


	11. What Happen's Next Ch 2

It was after lunch by the time Mark and Addison came strolling into he house…hand in hand, big grins plastered across their conniving faces.

"And where have you two been?" Callie said in her best mom voice.

"I was showing Mark the clinic…and some of the local hot spots…"

"Yeah, I bet you showed him some 'really' hot spots…"

Addison blushed, and if it was possible I think Mark's smile beamed even brighter.

"And we mad dinner reservations…so I hope you two are hungry…or at least can find a way to work up an appitite…"

This time it was I who blushed…I could imagine how to work up an appitite but was I ready for that? Were we ready for that? I know that is how a lot of this world works…But I'm a little old fashioned…there are steps…

"Actually I was thinking of showing Erica the gym this afternoon…I'm sure we'll be famished after yoga…"

Thanks, Callie…

-- -- --

"Ready?" Callie asked me after we'd changed clothes for the gym.

"Let's go yoga."

We walked out to Callie's jeep…and drove most of the way in semi-silence…mostly listening to the radio, or Callie screaming un-printable words at California drivers. With as little hubbub, as the two of us could manage we made it to the gym…

"Erica…"

She hadn't turned the Jeep off.

"Yes…"

"About what Addison said…"

I wasn't sure I wanted to have this converstion in the front seat of a jeep…parked awkwardly if front of an unfamiliar gym.

"Look…ummm…I'm just not ready for that…ya know…"

We apparently were very much going to have this conversation here.

"Callie…I love you…I'm not ashamed to say it, or act on it…" well it's easier here in California than it's ever going to be back in Seattle… "but I'm a bit old fashioned…I don't just 'have sex' or 'bang someone' … I make love…and with you I'm sure it will be so amazing I will probably be rendered speechless…but we are both so…ummm…so…"

"New at this…"

"Yes; so let's not rush or pressure one another…"

"It'll happen…"

"Right…Ready for Yoga?"

"Definitely."

-- -- --

If you've never taken the time to appreciate the way the human body moves…you're missing out…all the bones, muscles, and tissues are connected just so in order to allow us to move in ways that are just …well amazing. I spent more time in class watching Callie out of the corner of my eye than actually following the instructor. Around the hospital I'm known for my absolute focus…around Callie all I seem to be able to focus on is her.

She was thoroughly immersed in the session, every fluid movement timed exactly…her breathing was even and steady…her movements seemed to flow from somewhere deep inside…she looked absolutely gracefully…I'd never thought of ortho as needing grace and fluidity…but my perspectives were defiantly changing.

Almost as soon as we had begun it was over…I felt as though I'd ran a marathon…and not because I'd had that great of a workout…but watching Callie had given my heart one…

My stomach grumbled…

"See I told you we'd work up an appetite."

We showered after out work out…changed into what Callie referred to as street clothes, and left the gym.

"Isn't the instructor amazing?"

"You were." I said as we climbed in the car…apparently my mouth had a mind of its own. Callie just shot me a thousand watt smile and climbed in the driver's seat.

-- -- --

Addison and Mark were sitting across the table playing a board game when we got back…

"Oh, Mark; you are never going to win just give up…Addison is the reigning champ at checkers."

"That's because she cheats."

"I do NOT!"

"Yes you do…but I like losing to you…so it's okay."

Callie made a gagging noise…and I couldn't help but laugh…My mind couldn't quiet grasp what was happening…I'd never been comfortable around people…but this…Mark and Addison playing checkers…Callie dancing around to some song only she can hear…I didn't feel like I was on the outside looking in…I wasn't an observer any longer…somewhere along this path I'd finally chosen to be involved…

"So what time's dinner, Erica and I worked up quiet and appetite…"

"The reservations at the restaurant are for 7 it's…5:45 now…where does all the time go...you guys can go ahead and get dressed in the north guest room…Mark and I still need a shower…"

At that, Mark did one of his famous eyebrow waggles…

"I'll shower in my bathroom so Mark can use the guest bathroom, or the one outside…I'm sure all the beach bunnies would appreciate the show."

"You have an outside shower?"

My mouth definitely had a mind of its own today.

"It's divine…" Callie whispered from behind me.

She was running her hands slowly up my arms to my shoulders…

"We can use it later…"

Her breath hit the side of my neck followed closely by her mouth…her teeth gently grazing the skin below my ears…I shivered…and she withdrew…taking my hand…

"Shall we get ready to dine, Dr. Hahn?"

It was then I noticed we were alone…somewhere between my question about the shower and Callie's mouth Addison and Mark had done a vanishing act.

"Human's have to eat, right?"

That sounded real bright, Erica; sheesh…get a grip.

"I'm sure dessert will be wonderful."

Oh-my…the only dessert I could think about involved Callie and ice cream toppings…she smiled…grabbed my hand and pulled me off to get dressed for dinner.

-- -- --

After thirty minutes of riffling through my bag…clothes were strewn everywhere…I had found absolutely nothing to wear…

"Hear…"

Callie handed me a box…

"What is it?"

"Just something I picked up that morning you slept so late…"

"But…"

"Erica…just put it on…and wear this top with it…"

She handed me a baby blue t-shirt that I had thrown down under the bed a while ago.

The fabric felt divine as it fell around my hips and down almost to the floor…The skirt was full of color…and looked a little like stained glass…It fit perfectly…Callie knew my body too well…

As I exited the bathroom I heard three sharp intakes of breath…

"It's perfect." I said.

"You look…"

"She looks divine…" Callie finished for Mark.

She had been standing behind the couch on which Mark and Addison were cozily snuggling on. She began to walk toward me…arm extended…I placed my hand in hers as she cam near…she kept moving forward and she brought our conjoined hands up to her heart…and took her other hand up to my cheek…lightly trailing the pad of her thumb across it…I stood stock still…not breathing…she rested her forehead on mine…

"You look so beautiful…"

She set her lips on mine for a chaste kiss…the look in her eyes said it all…they screamed 'mine' … I wanted to say something…anything, about how I didn't deserve this or how she was too good for someone like me…but just a chaste kiss and my voice was stolen.

"Are we going to eat or not?"

Addison slapped Mark on the arm…Callie lifted on finger in the air behind her…asking…pleading for just one more minute.


	12. What Happen's Next Ch 3

The restaurant was amazing. The company was great…We laughed and talked late into the evening…rounds of drinks…and more than one dessert later the place was clearing out.

"Well I actually have to be at work tomorrow, unlike all you slackers…so I think it's time to head home."

We all got up; Addison had paid the bill…so we just laughed our way to the car…picking on Mark the whole time.

I should have been relaxed on the way back to Addison's…but I wasn't. I had a nagging suspicion that something was expected of me after this 'date' of sorts, and I didn't know any of the rules…It had been a long time ago when I'd been involved in a relationship…I knew I loved Callie, but calling her my girlfriend seemed like the wrong word…What was she to me? A friend? A lover? The air I breathed? The fire in my soul? That last one had potential…she was a fiery spirit…one I was certain would consume me at any moment. How to define the indefinable…I was way out of my league here. Callie may look lost sometimes but I knew I was the one who was lost.

-- -- --

I was so nervous and confused I didn't ever realize we'd arrived at Addison's until Callie opened my door and reached in to help me out…

When I didn't move…She shoved me over and climbed in beside me…

"What is it? Did I do something wrong?"

"It's just…It's…"

"Erica…talk to me."

She turned her body toward mine, giving me her undivided attention.

"I don't know…I don't know the rules…I have no idea what the expectations are here…It's been years, years since I…dated…anyone."

She sat silently…waiting…for what I really wasn't sure.

"I just…I want to love you…No, that's not right…I want to know how to love you…and I…and I don't…and I feel like if I don't figure it out…I'll…I'll lose."

I was crying again…when did I become so emotional?

Callie pulled me across the seat…

"Just come inside with me Erica…there are no rules…this isn't a game…I love you…that's what matters…I don't know any more than you do…It'll be like research…you love research…I just…I just want you near me…that's all…Someday I'll want more…and I hope you will feel the same…but now…I just want us to be what we are."

"What are we?"

"Friends, lovers, confidantes, partners, doctors, hearts, bones, tissue, gushy organs…"

"Okay…"

"Okay what…"

"I get it…I'm trying to define the indefinable."

"Just come inside…I think I have a bed time story that I didn't get to hear the end of waiting for me."

-- -- --

Callie insisted that the couch would not do justice to a girls need for 'beauty sleep'; If she actually got more beautiful while sleeping eventually we would look like beauty and the beast…'cause that's what I looked like the next morning…As I laid there in the early morning light trying to find my way in this new world I'd awoken to…Callie was wrapped in my arms, she was facing me…her face just a little lower than my own…she had one leg thrown up over my hip…I didn't want her to wake…I wanted to live in this fantasy a little longer…every thing was perfect…no questions on anyone's lips…meant now answers to come up with…her face was slightly flushed…which meant in medical terms she was waking…her arms began to move…my fantasy was fading…her hand found mine and she snuggled in…her foot was running up and down my calf…I could see the wheels in her brain beginning to turn…here it comes…the morning after…All I could do was wait, with baited breath to see what this morning would hold…

"Good morning, heart of my heart…"

"What?"

"That's what I kept calling you in my dreams…my dreams…were…ummm…"

"Scary…" I offered, and promptly received a punch in the stomach…

"I was going to say perfectly romantic…"

"Well if the Erica in your head, could somehow come out so I could talk to her about how to be 'perfectly romantic' that would be a big…"

She kissed me…no warning…no teeth brushing…no awkwardness at all…she rolled me under her…and kissed all thoughts from my head.

"You, Erica Hahn are in big trouble…"

Boy was that an understatement…

"Because I am the only person with access to the 'Erica in my head' so I'll just be taking my cues from her…"

She hadn't moved…we were locked in a sexual pretzel…I reached up for her hair and brought her mouth back to mine…as we kissed her hands began to roam…I groaned when her hand began to lightly explore my breast…Callie broke away grinning like a fool.

"I did that…I made you want me."

"I want you all the time…"

Okay my mouth had a mind of its own this morning…

"Sometimes I want you so badly it hurts…"

"Where does it hurt? I want to kiss it and make it better…"

"Callie…"

This silence was chalk full of awkward…

"I'll wait for you Erica…I'll wait."

She quickly got up and headed for the bathroom…leaving me alone…just like every morning. I heard the shower turn on…In my head I could see the water cascading across her breast…down that stomach that made me weak at the knees…could see the water flowing down to and through the juncture of her thighs…Dr. Callie Torres had flipped all my switches…and I was pretty sure she was the only way to finally find my release…I glanced up from my place on the bed…She'd left the door open a crack…before I could lose my nerve I put both feet on the floor…shed my clothes and went to join my heart…at a game already in progress…

-- -- --

I got in the shower…hands shaking…knees weak…heart erratic…breathing only when I reminded myself to…the real Callie, wet in the shower beat my imagined Callie hands down…she turned toward me with a soapy sponge…her eyes full of unquenchable flames…

But Callie…this Callie was totally full of surprises…she knelt…there in that shower and began washing me with my feet…the ultimate act of service…I was so full of emotion, my eyes filled with tears…she was methodical with her washing…she missed nothing…and I intern showed her nothing but care and respect as I took my turn…taking my cues from Callie I began at her feet too…but I kissed them when I was done, and as I rose I kissed her hands, and then her mouth.

"Thank you…" I whispered.

"It'll happen…in its own time Erica…But I refuse to let you get in my way when I chose to care for you, or about you…I'm choosing you Dr. Erica Hahn…and nothing you say or do can change that…"

"Callie…Don't make promises you can't possibly keep…"

"Erica…"

I just turned…grabbed a towel off the rack and walked out…I didn't know what else to do…I knew that promises meant very little, and I knew that if I gave Callie my heart, or she gave me hers that somewhere along the line some heart would be destroyed beyond my repair…


	13. When the World Ends Ch 1

I knew this day would come; we all did…this magical place where I had healed and grown…where two had become one…seemed to loom in darkness…Mark was kissing Addison on her front steps…whispering promises of a quick return, and happily ever after…I shoved my sunglasses up my nose and honked the horn…I was a mess…Callie had left a note on the pillow this morning… 'don't worry about me…I'll be home before you know it'.

She hadn't been seen all morning…no call…just that damn note; that was burning a hole in my pocket…

What was I going to do? What could I do? Things had been awkward since that morning in the shower…I wanted more than anything to take back what I had said…because even though it was the truth…I so desperately wanted to believe I was wrong…no I needed myself to be wrong…

I honked again…Mark finally started to move; well, he'd been moving in a horizontal position for a long time; just not the direction I needed him to go…As he climbed in beside me…I glanced up at Addison…she was grinning from ear to ear and waving very enthusiastically…I backed out quickly, yet safely and began the journey back to Seattle…

-- -- --

"So you gunna tell me what the silent treatment is about, or are we not friends any more?"

"Just…Let…Me…Drive!" please…I added silently…please…

"Erica, pull over…"

"No, Mark; Leave it alone…"

"Pull over now…"

"Mark!"

"Now…Damn-it!"

I pulled over, and Mark unbuckled my seat belt and pulled me into his lap…I was crying…no, sobbing…into Mark's shoulder…

"Shhhh…"

He was playing with my hair, and rubbing my back…

"Shhh…breath Erica…in and out…good air in, bad air out…in…out…in…out…"

"Why? Why do I have to hurt everyone?"

"You never hurt me…"

"Mark…"

"Well okay…maybe just once…"

"What am I going to do?"

"Erica…I have no idea what you are talking about."

I moved back to my seat…with more trouble and a whole lot less grace than Mark had used in getting me out of it…

"I screwed up…I messed up bad…I said something…and everything changed…I…I…"

"You are going to have to be more specific…"

"I told Callie that her dream of loving me was just a dream…I dashed her hope of a future, in just a few short words…she won't talk to me…sometimes I see her looking at me, just looking and she…she's so hurt…I don't know if I can fix this…I told the truth…I told what I thought was the truth…Now, I'm not so sure…I need her like the air…like the sun…like water…and laughter…like surgery…I really, can't; I can't live without her…"

I was crying again…Mark just let me cry this time…

When I regained my composure I pulled back on the freeway…the silence was cold…I shivered…Mark, well…Mark fell asleep as we drove…in silence. Back to reality...Back from a dream I had hoped to never wake from.

As the sun set I pulled off the freeway and up to a motel…I checked in and went out to the car grabbed the suitcases…woke up Mark…and trudged up to the stairs…maybe I could die in my sleep…that would be grace at work…then I could just be Erica Hahn 'heart god' and nothing else would matter…I was already dead inside anyway.

-- -- --

Mark, snored! He snored like…like…like; work brain, work! Mark snores like…oh-just give up already, Erica…just give up…

Mark rolled over and the noise stopped…the silence that followed, although asked for, was unwelcome…in was a silence in which you are so full of thoughts, feelings, desires that have never been spoken aloud…you're sure you thoughts are so loud they may be neon signs glowing in the dark, or carnival barkers…

I reached out…wanting to find, her; and found nothing…I hurt all over…my stomach trembled…I hurled my way to the bathroom…and threw everything I had ever consumed up; and then I cried myself to sleep on he cold tile floor of an unfamiliar bathroom…

-- -- --

"Hey little one; how are we this morning?"

Oh-god, Mark, just give me a minute…to compose myself…into something resembling a human being…please…

"Come on," he gave me a little nudge; "I will not judge you Erica…I'm a friend…or at least I'm trying to be…"

Mark sank down beside me, back against the wall…He put his head in his hands…

"Look, I've been where you are…I'm not proud…Morning's like this one…well, they suck! They suck the life right out of you…you feel as if…as if you managed to lay there long enough the world just might right itself…but Erica…"

He ambled down on all fours and then laid down next to me on the cool tile…He brushed my sweat matted hair out of my face so I could see him…

"Erica…this is just not you…you are Dr. Erica Hahn…you save people who wake up on floors…you don't sleep on them…I know you feel like the world you knew has ended…but it's still out there…and it still needs you…"

"I'm thirsty…" I managed to mumble.

Mark, my friend; got me a glass of water…

"Now, sit up to drink…I do not want to be responsible for the death of one of the world's best cardiothoracic surgeons…"

I knew he was baiting me…

"The best…there can only be one."

"Yeah, well, if you are finished with your pity party…I'm sure there are some lives back in Seattle that need saving."

I took his hand and stood…my legs felt like jelly, but they held the weight…I stood for just a moment.

"I'll just freshen up a bit, and then, we'll be on our way…"

Mark took his leave…

Half an hour later a person resembling the great Dr. Hahn exited the bathroom, slapped Mark on the back of the head to wake him up; and promptly collected her things and walked out of the room; into the bright, warm, sunshine.


	14. When the World Begins Again

By the time we reached Seattle it was raining…and I do not mean one of those rains that fall like a cool mist…this was like driving in a waterfall…or up a raging, swollen river…I was drowning; this one fact I was sure of…

Well if this was how the world was going to work now…I say; bring it on…

"Erica…You just missed the turn to the hospital."

"Not now Mark; I have to see her…"

"Well her shift started 30 minutes ago…at the hospital…the one you just drove past…"

"I can't go without a weapon."

"Erica…Killing Callie is not the answer to this dilemma."

"I need a damn flower shop, or jewelry store…something."

"Turn here…"

"What?"

"Turn here."

"Hold on…"

I made the corner…barely…

"It's up there on the right."

"What is?"

"The best flower shop in Seattle…hey I've made my fair share of apologies, especially to women…"

I parked in front…got out…and quickly ducked my head back in…

"Thank You!"

I thought I heard an 'anytime' as I slammed the door and made a run for the florist…

It was like a jungle inside…Wow; Mark really knew his stuff…I was totally lost however, and growing more uncomfortable by the minute. I had no idea what you got someone to say 'I'm sorry' or 'I love you'…I pulled my phone out of the pocket of my trench, and punched in Mark's number…I heard a phone ring behind me…

"Here…get these…"

I was met by Mark holding the most beautiful bouquet of flower's I had ever seen…they paled in comparison to Callie, but hopefully they looked better than I did…

"Thank You…again…" I whispered.

I paid for the flowers…and we left.

-- -- --

We had arrived at Seattle Grace…It looked like it always looked…I thought, or maybe hoped that this new world I found myself fumbling around in looked different…Mark got out of the car and resolutely walked towards the doors…

I followed slowly…attempting to gather my courage…and I had to keep from crushing the flowers…As I neared the doors the sun broke through the clouds… 'Thank You…' I whispered to the world…

-- -- --

I placed the flowers in a case on my desk and began organizing the work that had piled up on my desk in my absence…WOW…there was a ton of stuff here…soon I was up to my elbows in charts and possible surgeries…I felt so at home…so alive…my mind was working quickly and things appeared to be getting done…there were so many people who needed me…

KNOCK, KNOCK!

"Come in…"

I didn't look up.

"Yes…"

"Dr. Hahn?"

I knew that voice; and I suddenly realized none of the people in front of my mattered; none of these charts, or probable surgeries were the reason I was at the hospital…

"Cal…ummm, Dr. Torres, please have a seat."

She shut the door but remained standing…she looked hard, cold, steely…a bit like…well, me…

"So, um…how was your trip?"

"Callie…"

"Dr. Hahn."

"Callie…"

"No…Don't…Don't you dare 'Callie' me!"

I was shocked…I began to rise…

"No…You just stay…stay with your charts, and your research! Don't you move a muscle Erica Hahn…I mean it…You just stay with your hearts! I'll take mine and go…I…I shouldn't have come…"

"Callie…"

"No!"

And just like that she was gone.

-- -- --

I got paged later that day for an emergency valve replacement. I executed it flawlessly, and as I walked back towards my office I had nothing but the taste and smell of victory on my mind…until I was forcibly yanked…and rather rudely into an on-call room.

"Sit!"

I sat…Mark was clearly upset…furious may be the right word…

"What the hell happened?" he yelled…

"Mark…"

"What the hell happened? You had everything you needed to woo her and she left the hospital…an hour ago…alone…"

"This hospital happened…"

"What?"

"I got to my office…I started to clean up a little…when I…well, got lost…in the work…in the comfort of things that were familiar…in things I could control…In that world I had absolute control…at least I did…until…"

"You saw her."

It was not a question.

"She came to my office…she looked like the ice princess…so hard…and she yelled at me…I've…I've lost…oh-Mark; I've lost her."

"Erica…come here…come under my wing, and let me teach you…how this new and wonderful world works…"

After an hour of Mark 'explaining the world' to me, all I really understood was: you cannot lose until you stop trying…I knew that from medical school…but I'd never considered applying it to other areas of my life…well I never had other parts of my life before…Mark handed me a piece of paper…

"This is where she is staying…go, now, Erica…Go fix Callie's heart…if you do…you'll be the best. I won't ever give the title to anyone else; now, Go!"

I grabbed the flowers, and a bottle of win I'd been saving in my fridge…the one I bought just because Callie liked it…I hailed a cab, and gave the driver the address…

You will fix this Erica Hahn…You will fix this or you will cease to exist, because It's not really Callie's heart that needs to be fixed is it?

"Here you go, Lady."

I paid the man…if you could call him that…and exited the cab; armed with my 'weapons of wooing' I climbed the stairs to Callie's hotel suit.

I stood outside door 212 for a long time…so long a time in fact, one of the hotel staff asked me if I'd locked myself out of my room.

Knock already!

I knocked…and then my eyes beheld the most beautiful face ever…she'd been crying…but she was more beautiful to me at that moment than she had ever been before. Partly because she hadn't slammed the door in my face…

"Can I come in?"

"Whatever…"

She threw the door wide…I moved quickly…There would not be another opportunity granted…this was it…

"I brought these for you, and some wine; I thought maybe we could…ummm…talk…"

"Whatever…"

I set the flowers on the coffee table, and went to pour the wine into glasses…Callie sat on the couch…

"I was wrong…" I said as I sat on the couch opposite Callie.

"Erica…"

"No; let me finish…" I said as I handed her a glass of wine… "I….I…" I tried, I really tried…talking to Mark was so easy compared to this…

"It doesn't matter…"

"Yes, Callie Torres; it does…I was wrong. So, very, very, wrong…I couldn't admit it to myself at first. I think too much like a surgeon; I think in terms of repair…and damage control, and outcomes…I work without a net…but I cannot live my life that way, so…so here's the deal…The crux of the situation is this…" I paused; I took a deep breath…Callie was paying attention all eye's focused on me…and they looked for a moment…less icy… "I can't breath when you are not around…I can't feel anything unless you're next to me…I cease to exist when you leave a room…My heart stopped beating when you walked out of my office this afternoon…But I had no idea; because you took it with you…my heart, you had it…you still do…So you want a bed time story Callie…here it is: there was a surgeon; she was brilliant, and comfortable at her job. She had a best friend, someone she could share anything with…someone who finally understood her passion and drive, someone who saw her humanity, someone who saw her faults and loved her anyway…and somewhere along the road the friendship blossomed, and changed; the doctor lost her ability to be brilliant…she found herself in a world where all the medical information she knew meant nothing, and the task that lay ahead of this surgeon was something she couldn't do alone; but she tried…she was wrong to try…so she spoke with another friend; who explained this 'new world' to her in words she understood…So the surgeon hailed a cab and came to the door of her best friend…her damsel in distress, since this is a bed time story…she didn't come to rescue the damsel or princess…No…She came because she, the doctor, the surgeon, needs desperately to be rescued…I need you, Callie; to save me…Because right now, it's my heart on the table…I cannot operate on myself…So I came to the only specialist I trust…"

Silence descended…Callie was looking at me…and at first I was sure I had failed…that this 'surgery' was flat-lining with no hope of recovery…but as always…Dr. Callie Torres was full of surprises…

"You don't need your heart Erica…Because you've always had mine…It's beating…just like a heart is supposed to…it's a little erratic sometimes, because I care too much, and I love too freely…It's been in your hands the whole time…You, Erica Hahn; are my heart…And you will always be the only specialist I need…"

She snuggled into me then…

"So you talked with Mark, huh?"

"He's actually a very smart man."

"Yeah…He used to be crazy about this really hot blonde I know, but she loved someone else…"

"You know; I think he fell in love with some amazing neo-natal doc in California…"

"Seriously?"

"Seriously…"

We laughed…and kissed…and fell asleep in each others arms…holding on to each other…hearts held tightly in interlaced hands…


	15. Smooth Movesand Sexy Cues

Authors Note: This is the first time I've tried writing a sceen with any sort of adult activities in them…so don't mock me

Authors Note: This is the first time I've tried writing a sceen with any sort of adult activities in them…so don't mock me if I get stuff wrong…just send me a response to this section…with pointers or whatever…

-- -- --

The first thing I noticed upon waking is that I wasn't alone, but a second thought quickly followed on it's heels: 'I like waking up with someone in my arms.'

It was still dark outside the windows. I was awake and had a dark and slumbering vixen in my arms. She stirred then, as if my thoughts had awoken her…

I turned her face slowly, and drew her pouty lips to mine…I wanted more than anything to kiss awake the slumbering maiden. She began to respond to my menstruations…she turned more fully into my embrace…and her hands began to roam…fingers slid easily under the bottom of my shirt, grabbing my waist and aligning my hips how she wanted them…My hand traveled down her arms to where they meet her thighs…they keep going pulling her thigh over my hip…in an act that was so smooth I surprised myself…it couldn't be this easy? Could it?

At that moment I over compensated for my 'smooth move' and we tumbled from the couch…landing in a tangle of flailing limbs…

I was sure the moment had been ruined by our ineptitude…but then callie laughed…I laughed…

"I guess we just needed a bit more room…" she said as her hand reached for my thigh to pull it up over her hip…that move I had thought was 'smooth' was so much more when Callie did it…my thigh stayed put over her luscious curve…her fingers were busy removing my shirt, and undoing my bra faster than any man I'd ever dated…I was trembeling at her touch…my pants came off next…I was free, and Callie had way too many clothes on…I began fumbling with her shirt…

"No."

"No…what?"

All I got was a soul stealing kiss, and a "Just watch…"

She dimmed the lights we'd left on…and slowly turned to face me…I was lost from the fire I saw in her eyes…she began swaying her hips, in a way that could only be classified as seduction…to and fro…my eyes hypnotized by the movement…her pants dropped along with her panties…her shirt was too long to see her but my breath cought in my throat anyway, a moan split my lips, as her adept fingers found the bottom of her shirt, which she was shimmying out of…she wasn't wearing a bra…Erica Hahn! How could you hold someone in you arms that tightly and not notice she wasn't wearing a bra? She began dancing toward me, nd when her naked form found its way into my arms all I could say was…

"Wow!"

"I was that good, huh?" She said as she claimed my mouth…

Callie had only hesitated that first time, outside of Seattle Grace…that night had changed us forever…

Her hands found my nipples, and I thought we might drown in the wetness it produced…I groaned again…her kisses began trailing down my neck…across my collar bone, down the center of my chest…her supposedly straight finger found my nipples…twisting them, pinching…her mouth followed…'Oh-My!' was all I could think…I fisted my hand in her hair, trying to pull that luscious mouth back to mine…Callie wasn't budging…she looked up at me…her mouth coming free of my breast for just a moment…

"It's my turn; just enjoy…"

The breath that came out on each word hit the wetness left on my breast causing me to shutter…her mouth began to wander lower…she sure was taking her sweet time…she was on explorer…taking the long way…first she paid way too much attention to my belly button. I never thought having someone licking my stomach would be erotic…but as she continued my limbs began to thrash as I climbed higher and higher… 'almost there' I thought, but she skipped over the good part and began massaging my calves and kissing my thighs…she smiled at me…

"You're killing me…" I muttered in a breathy voice that said even more than my words…

She smiled, more wickedly; 'I am in so much trouble'…she quirked an eye brow and inch by inch began to move toward my center…I could feel her breath before she reached me…her tongue began to dive in and out of me…then her fingers…she licked my clit…leaving her fingers in place…I moaned as her mouth began traveling languidly back up my over-heated body…slowly inching her fingers in and out…my hands finally managed to drag her mouth back to my lips…this kiss was full of unspoken words…feelings too new and deep to comprehend…our tongues battled and Callie's fingers kept a steady rhythm…in…out…a flick across my clit and I was done for…I felt my orgasm start at my curling toes and rip through the rest of my body…I'm pretty sure I screamed her name…in…out…her finger kept the pleasure coming…I was going to die…literally…the pleasure was so intense…

Callie slowly pulled her fingers from me and licked them clean…watching that had me all hot and bothered again…even though I'd just had the most intense orgasm ever…

When she was done she kissed me…again…I could taste myself on her lips…I groaned at the exquisite sweetness…

"Not bad for my first time, huh?"


End file.
